Happy New Year, Everyone! I welcomed the New Year with an awful stomach bug. The night started off so promising, we were party-hopping while waiting for the ball to drop. All of a sudden, I just got super sick! This lasted 24 hours, 24 of the longest hours of my life. I felt so sick, so didn’t my hubby and mom! We were basically couch potatoes until we felt better. It was so terrible that I had to call up my best friend Kassie in the evening to come over to help us take care of Asher. She dropped everything and came over to tend to him. She fed him, played with him and gave him his daily dose of cuddles. I felt so bad because I couldn’t be there for him in the way that I wanted. Talk about mom-guilt! I didn’t want him to get sick so I tried to be distant but he really needed some TLC, thank God for good friends, right?!
I became a new mom over a year ago. I am very lucky in the sense that I had SO many amazing friends who were so loving and caring to me. There are so many misconceptions out there about what it actually means to be a “good” mom. One thing I know is that we are always too hard on ourselves. Sometimes people underestimate just how sensitive and delicate some things can be. We have feelings too and it’s important to have that recognized. Sometimes it’s just nice to feel like ourselves again, especially when everything has been revolving around our new baby. Every once in a while, we just need a friend. If you have a “new mom” friend, take notes! One day, you may be a new mom, and trust me you will want all of these things in return!
1. Check up on your mom friends.
Everyone always says that when you have a baby, everything ceases to be about you. It makes total sense, whether you realize it or not, it is literally ALL. ABOUT. YOUR. BABY! Every single need, or problem going on with your baby just totally has you completely consumed! This happens to all moms, and they tend to forget about their own needs as well. It’s really important to hear “how are YOU feeling?”, this made all the difference for me. I swear, I started to forget what it was like to be my own person. I really must have the greatest friends in the world because they were ALWAYS checking in on me. So I’d say, ask her to hang out, with or without kids. Personally, I had to have Asher with me at ALL times, but I know some moms jut need that alone time. Take the time to make it all about mom, help her stay a little sane! Whether it is a silly text, or meme, just make it all about her.
2. Remind her that she’s doing a great job.
Whether you realize it or not, new moms always feel like they are doing something wrong or doing a bad job. It is just so important to reassure them that they are doing great. I can recall this one time I was out with Asher and this women came up to us to chat. Asher was about 6 months old, smiling at her and being so cute and playful. When she was about to leave she says to me “you’re doing a great job”. I just remember feeling so good about myself, that a complete stranger would compliment me about something I spend too much time being so insecure about. This has probably happened about 3 times when I have been out, and it never gets old. Babies/kids don’t become great on their own, so compliment mom on the great job she is doing.
3. Offer to help!
This is so important for new moms! Help, help, help when you can! I was lucky enough to have lots of help. Always accept help when it is offered. Exhaustion can really take a toll on you mentally and physically. You can offer to come by with lunch or bring dinner over. One of my favorite ideas for helping a new mom is bringing over frozen dinners that can just be thrown into a crockpot. You can also offer to watch the baby so she can shower and feel like a person! A nice long shower always felt like a day at the spa for me haha. You can offer to stay with the baby while she naps, OR even offer to just do the dishes, a load of laundry, or fold. Basically any help is ALWAYS so greatly appreciated. Word of advice to mama’s, take all the help you can get! It might not come around as often as you would like lol.
4. Your opinions can wait.
Trust that most moms have things under control, I can’t stress that enough. Even if it may not look like she has everything under control. No one knows a child better than their mother. If and when she needs help, she will ask for it. Being a new mom is a sensitive time, no one wants to feel like they are doing a bad job. I have never been one to just do whatever people said or to have others make up my mind for me. When it comes to my child, I always do my research to make the best, most informed decision. So, give them more credit to refrain from unwanted advice.
5. Don’t be judgmental.
Trust me, there is nothing negative that you can tell a new mom that she hasn’t already thought of herself already. We already spend too much time judging ourselves, we don’t need others doing it as well. I spend too much time questioning my decisions as it is. So, instead of judging a mom, offer support instead. Most of the time, people don’t have all of the information about what is really going on. Just be understanding, remember at one point we have all been completely new at something.
I hope this was helpful. I have gone through so much personal growth this past year, and I love being able to share it with all of you guys!